Safe Love Could Be Misinterpreted
The start of teenage dating is a stressful moment for any parent as they see their child growing up. Conversations around dating and romance are usually never easy! But it is important to have conversations about relationships, respect, and safety, and to establish yourself as someone your teen can always turn to for relationship advice or protection.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 1 in 12 adolescents in the United States have experienced physical or sexual dating violence.
- 7.2% of heterosexual students have reported physical violence, while 13.1% of gay, lesbian, and bisexual students and 16.9% of questioning students have experienced physical dating violence.1
- 9.3% of adolescent females and 7% of males reported that they have experienced physical dating violence.1
- 12.6% of females and 3.8% of males reported having experienced sexual dating violence.1
- 6.7% of heterosexual students, 16.4% of gay, lesbian, and bisexual students, and 15% of questioning students reported that they had experienced sexual dating violence.1
- 65.5% of adolescents report being victims of psychological dating violence, making it the most common form of dating violence among adolescents.2
- Around 48% of adolescents were victims of stalking or harassment by a former or current partner.3
Look Out for Signs of Teen Dating Violence
It can be challenging to recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship, whether it be a teen’s own relationship or that of one of their friends.
Someone might be in a potentially unsafe relationship if their partner:
- Makes frequent calls or texts to find out where they are, who they are with, or what they are doing\
- Is jealous, possessive, or controlling
- Makes false accusations
- Has unexpected moments of anger or rage or an explosive temper
- Ignores their opinion
- Keeps them away from friends or family
- Does not let them do what they like
- Follows them or shows up uninvited
- Invades their privacy
- Gets angry very quickly or fights a lot
- Threatens suicide or self-harm
- Threatens to hurt them or someone in the family
- Refuses to accept when a relationship is ended
- Uses alcohol or drugs and expects them to do so as well
- Touches or kisses them when they do not want to be touched
- Forces intimacy
- Taunts or bullies them
- Destroys their property
- Threatens physical violence
- Shoves, punches, slaps, pinches, kicks, hits, or hurts them in any physical way
Consequences of Teen Dating Violence
Ending an unsafe relationship is hard. The majority of girls who experience violence in an intimate relationship continue to date that individual. The consequences of staying in these relationships are far worse than the difficulty to leave. According to the CDC, adolescents who have or are experiencing dating violence are more likely to:
- Experience higher rates of depression and anxiety.
- Exhibit antisocial behaviors, such as lying, bullying, theft, or physical violence.
- Engage in unhealthy behaviors, like using alcohol, tobacco, or drugs.
- Contemplate suicide.
Tips for Adults
Parents, caregivers, and other trusted adults need to have conversations with teens about their relationships. Below are some of the ways parents can help empower and foster healthy relationships with their teens:
- Recognize Red Flags: Be vigilant for warning signs in your teen’s relationships.
- Encourage Open Dialogue: Foster a safe space for open communication, ensuring your teen feels comfortable discussing relationships, consent, and any concerns they may have.
- Educate on Boundaries: Teach the importance of setting and respecting healthy boundaries, emphasizing the significance of mutual consent in all interactions.
- Build Self-Esteem: Support your teen in cultivating a high sense of self-worth. Individuals with high self-esteem are less likely to tolerate abusive behavior.
- Teach Digital Safety Awareness: Educate teens about online safety, addressing the risks of cyberbullying and promoting responsible social media use.
- Promote Support Networks: Stress the value of a strong support system by encouraging your teen to build connections with friends, family, and mentors.
- Attend Community Events: Engage in community workshops or events, especially during Violence Prevention Month, to gather insights and resources for preventing teen dating violence.
- Know Available Resources: Familiarize yourself with educational programs and resources aimed at helping teens understand healthy relationships.
- Be Proactive: Actively participate in efforts to prevent teen dating violence, both at home and within the community.
- Practice Conflict: Disagreement is unavoidable in any relationship. Teach your teen to “fight fair” and negotiate disagreements respectfully, and to expect this in return.
Want more information on teen dating violence?
- Talk to Teen Health Connection’s parent educator about more ways to discuss teen dating violence with your teen (Kris.Hawkins@TeenHealthConnection.org/704-381-8333)
- Talk to Teen Health Connection’s triage therapists if you’re worried about your teen being in or recovering from a violent relationship (704-381-8379)
Resources to Help End Teen Dating Violence
Know the resources to help those who have or are currently experiencing teen dating violence both in Charlotte and throughout the country.
- Teen Health Connection: 704-381-8379
- Our behavioral health triage team can help connect teens to one of our behavioral health therapists to help in addressing the effects of being in a violent relationship and the many ways to begin healing from this trauma.
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224
- This line helps to provide crisis intervention, information, and referral to victims of domestic violence, perpetrators, friends, and families. The number is toll-free, confidential, and anonymous.
- The National Centers for Victims of Crime -1-800-FYI-CALL
- This line can help find local victim services counselors for young people in need of help.
- The National Dating Abuse Hotline: 1-866-331-9474
- This is a national 24-hour resource line specifically for teens and young adults. It is accessible by phone or online chat and offers real-time, on-on-one support.
- Mecklenburg County Prevention and Intervention Services: 704-336-3210
- Specializes in domestic violence and substance use services for those in Mecklenburg County.
References
1 “Fast Facts: Preventing Teen Dating Violence | Violence Prevention | Injury Center | CDC.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 27 Jan. 2023, www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/teendatingviolence/fastfact.html.
2 “Literature Review: Teen Dating Violence.” Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, https://ojjdp.ojp.gov/model-programs-guide/literature-reviews/Teen- Dating-Violence#2-0
3 Rothman, E.F., Bahrami, E., Okeke, N., and Mumford, E. 2021. Prevalence of and risk markers for dating abuse–related stalking and harassment victimization and perpetration in a nationally representative sample of U.S. adolescents. Youth & Society 53(6):955–978.
