February is Teen Dating Violence Prevention Month at Teen Health Connection

While February means Valentine’s Day and a focus on love, many teens in our community are dealing with unhealthy relationships. As many as 1 in 3 teens in the U.S. experience teen dating violence, which can come in the form of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse and stalking. Teen dating violence can have a significant impact on a teen’s mental and physical health, with victims more likely to suffer from increased substance use, rates of mental health disorders like anxiety and depression, and the likelihood of suicide.

As the world transitioned to an increasingly virtual space during the Covid-19 pandemic, digital abuse increased among adolescents. From 2019 to 2020, the National Domestic Violence Hotline saw a 101% increase in reports of digital abuse, many from teens and young adults. Examples of digital abuse include sending unwanted sexual messages or pressuring a young person to send sexual or naked photos, spreading rumors about a young person via text message, email, or social media or posting embarrassing photos of a young person online, threatening or harassing a young person over the phone or social media, and using GPS locators from social media platforms to stalk a young person. Digital abuse rarely happens alone, with 94% of digital abuse victims also reporting having experienced sexual, physical, and/or emotional abuse by a dating partner.

In this month’s e-newsletter, Teen Health Connection’s Parenting Educator leads us in a conversation on teen dating violence in a digital world, including providing parents with ways to address safe internet usage with their teens, and how to spot warning signs to keep their teens safe in relationships, in person and online.

What is digital dating abuse, and what are the risks associated with today’s most popular online platforms like Snapchat, Instagram, etc.?

Digital dating abuse involves the use of technology to bully, stalk, harass, or intimidate in order to gain power and control over a dating partner. Often this behavior is a form of verbal, or emotional abuse carried out online as opposed to in person. Examples of digital dating abuse include sending excessive texts or messages, stalking a partner on social media, demanding a partner engage in inappropriate messaging and image sharing, or being purposefully embarrassed online by their current partner or an ex. Anyone can be a victim of digital dating abuse or violence. Studies have shown that LGBTQ youth, particularly transgender youth, are at a higher risk for teen dating violence. Parents and community members can take steps to protect these vulnerable youth. We can educate ourselves, our schools, and our communities on how to best support this population with positive emotional messaging and establishing a positive climate where everyone feels accepted.

As a parent in a digital world, how should you address unsafe and or unhealthy online behaviors of your teen(s)?

The first thing to do is to model healthy relationships and online behaviors for your teen. When we overact or respond poorly to something, it is important that our teens see us apologize and take ownership of our actions. Always maintain open lines of communication and talk to your teen about what a healthy relationship looks like. It is important to remind them that threats of actual violence (physical, verbal, or sexual) have no place in a healthy relationship. Avoid parenting from a place of fear and beginning the conversation with the negatives of social media. When you create rules and consequences without consulting your teen on a subject, they may understand better, you have lost the opportunity to have a meaningful conversation about what your teen is doing online. Instead, work with your teen to create mutually agreed-upon guidelines for safe media use, maintaining open lanes of communication with your teen. Understand that they are aware of the consequences associated with social media, but they are also aware of the benefits. Be sure to approach this conversation with an open mind and listen to what they have to say. A collaborative approach to establishing firm but loving limits in an atmosphere of mutual respect will help your teen follow the guidelines they helped create.

How would you suspect, or know if your teen(s) is a victim of digital dating abuse?

First, know that digital dating abuse is just one example of teen dating violence. Some signs your teen may be experiencing dating abuse electronically could be your teen frantically checking their text messages or social media accounts or constantly receiving messages or notifications. You may also notice some general signs of dating violence as well such as appearing constantly worried that they are angering their partner, making excuses for their partners’ behavior, noticing possessive behavior by their partner, appearing withdrawn from friends and family, or a sudden change of appearance.

What if you think your teen(s) may be a victim of digital dating abuse? What recommendations do you have? What resources are available?

If you suspect your teen is the victim of dating violence of any kind, make sure they know you are there to help, that you are concerned, and are there for support. Make sure to keep the focus on the teen and not the abuser, and do not blame them. It is important for parents to understand that their teen must decide to end the relationship, parents cannot do that for them. Once they have made the decision to end the relationship, work with them to develop a safety plan to stay safe during and after the breakup. If you need help or advice or resources, you can reach out to a local domestic violence agency. Additional resources include the National Domestic Violence Hotline, National Center for Victims of Crime, National Dating Abuse Helpline, Break the Cycle, and Love is Respect  For one-on-one parenting support and coaching, reach out to Kris Hawkins using the contact information below. Teen Health Connection also has two behavioral health triage clinicians available to concerned parents, teens, and community professionals. You can reach one of these experts by calling 704-381-8379.

Kris Hawkins, Parent Educator
Kris.Hawkins@TeenHealthConnection.org
(704) 381-8333

Sources:

https://violence.chop.edu/dating-violence
https://injury.research.chop.edu/blog/posts/teen-dating-violence-and-digital-abuse-during-covid-19-pandemic#:~:text=Reports%20of%20digital%20abuse%20increased,immediate%20and%20long%2Dterm%20effects.
https://www.urban.org/sites/default/files/publication/23326/412750-Teen-Dating-Abuse-and-Harassment-in-the-Digital-World.PDF
Vagi KJ, O’Malley Olsen E, Basile KC, Vivolo-Kantor AM. Teen Dating Violence (Physical and Sexual) Among US High School Students: Findings From the 2013 National Youth Risk Behavior Survey. JAMA Pediatr. 2015 May;169(5):474-82. doi: 10.1001/jamapediatrics.2014.3577. PMID: 25730143; PMCID: PMC5858695.